Hailing from parts unknown, the story of Zagar’s birth is legendary. While on an expedition to gather berries, Zagar’s mom, Sutikikan, started feeling pains. Trouble is, she and her husband, Quazar, were 45 feet up in a tree, picking the rare Buffalo Berry. The Medicine Man was back in the village, and things had to happen quickly. Young Zagar was born on the branches of the tree. Easy? No. Successful? Yes.
A family name, Zagar, was named after his great-great grandfather, Zagar the Resilient One. The youngest of three, Zagar had two older brothers, Greg-Greg and Kuntar. Immediately, he began to be known around the village for his keen sense of humor. His practical jokes always lightened the mood. One such joke was during a young man’s "Becoming a Man" Ceremony. While the young man was blindfolded, a then 10-year-old Zagar, strapped a starving wolverine to the young man’s back and began poking it with a hot poker. Zagar’s dry sense of humor always had the villagers laughing.
Though Zagar was a jokester, his father was more traditional, and his brothers were known around the village for their hunting and gathering skills. Greg-Greg was also the older brother who loved to mess with Zagar. Noogies were not uncommon when Greg-Greg would see Zagar. Zagar always wanted to hang with Greg-Greg and his friends, but Greg-Greg would always be like, "Jhiojuior khjjik oiuj," meaning, "Go home and play with your toys you pile of Zebra spit."
As time went by, Zagar began to be interested in western culture. Making a stereo out of coconuts and barbwire, Zagar was introduced to the music of Steve Winwood. This would spur him to begin questioning his family about life on the other side of the world. What else was out there? He loved sticking a full beehive on his head just like the next man…but what else was out there?
By the time Zagar reached the age of 21, he was ready for a change. He was involved in a relationship with Jessikonka, but there were things he had to do. Between making him go to basket weaving class and pestering him to make a commitment, he was questioning whether she was "the one." The night of the 3rd Quarter Moon, Zagar made a choice…to venture west. Surprisingly, his family supported him. As his mom said, "Ooiu jfklas;jr nvm,cxz mjjkljkfasr jkljr jopweiru jfkds jfklweoir fj jfkslar jjklc jfkruu cjjlffhsa cjlrh," meaning, "I just want you to be happy."
The journey took several months. Along the way, Zagar learned to survive quicksand, a 300 foot waterfall, and several celebrities who attempted to adopt him. Zagar landed in the United States of America on a sunny spring day. As he looked up at the skyscrapers and baseball fields, he knew this was where he as supposed to be. By sheer chance, he ventured into a roommate finder service. Within two days, he would be living in Windsor Gates Apartments with his new roommate, Steve.